Now, you might see the title and think "WTH?", why would you NOT say those 3 words all of us long to hear at one time or another, ESPECIALLY to someone that you love? That is ACTUALLY the viewpoint that I am approaching this from...let me explain...
I, by nature, am fairly insecure and most definitely when I am wrapped up in a new relationship my insecurities show their colors more than ever no matter how hard I try to keep them hidden away. It doesn't matter how well we seem to "know" each other or how much time we have spent together or how secure we feel or know that we "should" feel, the truth is that at one time or another we have all felt a sense of insecurity whether it be in marriage, w/ parents, siblings, friends (old and new), co-workers, and so on.
So, how many of you have been in a situation where you have said "I love you" to someone who has ALWAYS told you that they loved you too only in this instance they didn't reply.. at all...? How did you feel? Did you think anything of it? Did you call them out then and there and say something to the effect of "Ahem... did you hear me.. I said I love you?" or did it stay w/ you and you wonder if they heard you or not? Did your insecurities get the better of you? Or did you trust that when they had told you in the past that they loved you that that was the truth and whether or not they say it every time you say it shouldn't matter. Then, not long after that you tell the same person that you love them or that you missed them, as was the case w/ me and there again is that awkward nothingness. Now, it's happened twice. For me, the first time I could kind of shrug it off as I wasn't heard, but the next time, over the phone and I said I had missed them and there was no response.. left me wondering. Did they not hear me AGAIN? Did they just decide NOT to respond? They have ALWAYS responded in the same fashion, what was different now?
Deep down, I KNEW, if there was a gun held to my head and I had to answer if this person REALLY did love me and miss me even tho they were not responding to me saying so to them I would definitely say "Yes, I know they love me and they missed me." But there was this tiny, tiny bit inside that wouldn't let this drop and just move forward with what I know to be true and so I had decided to bring it up next discussion.
When I brought it up I said "Did you hear me when I said over the phone on Friday that I missed you?" "What about when I helped carry stuff out to your car at the office? When you hugged me goodbye I said I love you and you didn't say anything. I've been telling myself that you just didn't hear me, but my insecurities have gotten the better of me and so I'm asking you to find out. I realize that neither of us HAVE to say it ever, but you always have and now twice you haven't and I just want to know so that I know what to expect." They asked me if when I said "I love you" was I giving it as a gift or was I giving it to get it in return? My answer was a little of both. I mean I am not saying to myself "I need someone to tell me they love me so I'm going to go tell someone I'm close to that I love them so that they say it back and I feel better" but on the other hand, depending on the circumstances and the person for me there is an expectation that when said it is going to be said in return.. just as a given... just as it always had been. To me it's very black and white. If someone tells me they love me and I love them I will say it back and if I don't then I didn't hear or I was preoccupied somehow. I don't think there is ever a reason when someone you love tells you that they love you for you NOT to say that you love them back.
What do you think it means if someone who loves you, PURPOSELY doesn't return the "I love you" when you give it to them? Does it mean anything? Is it something that should be confronted? Is it something that the insecure person, in this instance me, just has to work out in themselves? To me, there is a sense of rejection when I say "I love you" and it is not returned, especially if it's on purpose!
What are your thoughts people? I don't want to continue to have this struggle w/ people that I really need not have this struggle with because I know, that I know, that I know that they love me. So how do I keep from feeling rejected or from even noticing that they didn't reply when I say "I love you" and it's not returned?
Your thoughts inquiring minds?
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