You can't just be minimum. You have to find a way to somehow be or do spectacular to get noticed in a positive light... otherwise you merely exist... nearly invisible... kind of an oxymoron-- invisible because many people don't bother to notice you because you aren't worth noticing. Then to others... the ones that make fun-- you stand out like a sore thumb. They are the ones that snicker when you walk by, they honk if you don't cross the street fast enough when the pedestrian has the right of way, they make rude comments out their window of your apartment complex along with pig sounds. They turn their nose up at you and discriminate against you when you go job searching.
They point, gawk and whisper as they look directly at you, call you animal names or things such as lardass, fatass, bubble butt, fatso, fatty fatty 2x4 and so on. They demean you every chance they get and bonus points for doing so in public. They choose you to do "the big jobs" because they assume because you are big that you have some sort of super strength... you are expected to carry furniture and appliances like you are a man. ALL of your aches and pains REGARDLESS of what you say must be somehow only exist because you are fat.
They race past you because you walk too slow or even worse you waddle and sway trying to comfortably maneuver thru this world. They stare when you are shopping in the "smaller sizes" when all you're trying to do is get a gift for a friend. They can't help but watch as you try to buckle yourself in the seat of a plane WITH the seatbelt extender. They are happy to humiliate you any way possible. They make you feel degraded and less than human if god forbid they see you putting anything that lacks nutritional value into your body.
They comment about what you eat, how much you eat, how many times you fill your plate, how fast you eat, how full your mouth is, how you always seem to end up wearing your food or making a mess, how you disgustingly talk with your mouth WAY too full, how much room you take up in the booth or how you have to noticeably sit at a table and uncomfortable wooden chair your fatness swallows because you cannot fit in a booth. They ask if you even tasted your food when you complete long before them and go back for more or request the dessert menu.
They are the bullies on the playground when you are young and the bullies at work when you grow up. They are not happy until they know--that you know-- exactly how disgusted they are by you. They leave you out, they pick you last, they groan when you are on their team and you will always be the reason they lose. They threaten you. They pretend they are a Dr and tell you if you would just "eat right and exercise" you would be thinner. They are thrilled to mortify you. No matter what you do you will always be lazy to them because fat = lazy. They feel they are being complimentary when they say "you have such a pretty face.. if only you would lose some weight." If you're alone it's because you're fat. If you're dating they must be fat too... or hideous. If you get a flat tire it has to be because of your weight--never mind the glass you had to drive thru on the highway after a major accident. If you have insomnia- you must need a CPAP- and it must be because you are fat. If you're depressed.. they understand.. they'd be depressed if they were fat like you.. never mind that you actually have a chemical imbalance or that you just lost a job, home or loved one. They ask you "when's the baby due?" and this is to punish you- putting you on the spot- making you admit out loud and on the spot that you are NOT pregnant. They warn you when they see your chubby 6 month old baby to watch how much you feed her cuz she's already starting out fat and of course.. you wouldn't want her to end up like you. If they are fat and lose weight they offer you the clothes that are "too big" for them now.
When you are fat like me, you tire easily... especially if you are being physically very active. There are only so many times that you can carry stuff up or down stairs, only so many trips you can make loading and unloading, only so much weight that you can lift, only certain clothes you can wear if you want to be comfortable and only certain places you can fit.
If there's a group, and there's a smell... it MUST be the fat one. Skinny, pretty people don't have B.O., coochie odor, shit that smells and they certainly don't fart anything that isn't rose scented!
The ones who are not in tune with their fat, don't give a rat's ass or are just plain redneck leave butt schmear on the back of the toilet seat. They take no notice in closed quarters, especially on public modes of transportation, that their ass and leg are not only touching but ON your ass and leg. These same ignorants don't notice there are lines that divide seats which means DON'T CROSS but everything sloppily hangs everywhere and they don't care. That, of course, is NOT me. I am mindful of my space since I am pissed off and sickened by the invasion of someone on my personal space. I am careful not to cross the line on public transportation. If I have to sit uncomfortably the entire trip I WILL NOT touch my neighboring passenger. Am I projecting? Hell yes I am! I do not like my space invaded and would never willingly sit as to have my thigh or ass touch or be on top of anothers.
As an obese person I have a tremendous awareness for things I think others really DON'T even think about or never would consider.. or mabe they just don't care. Because it bothers me I (project) think that it must bother others so I make sure that I am not the lardass that 1/2 sat on you by crossing the line drawn by the seat size on the bus or plane. I don't care how far over the opposite direction I have to swing my leg I will cross it as far as I have to, to not be crossing the line with my fat bod. I know how it feels when it happens to me and I will not do it to someone else.
If you can look beyond the fat which many times is built as a wall of protection from some of the types of people that I mentioned in this blog you just may find the best friend you have been searching for for years. You may find hidden talent, sweetness, loyalty, honesty, a generous heart, love, kindness, and a very tender soul. You may also find someone very broken who just wants to be loved and accepted just they way they are.
Yes, I know what it is like to experience most of the things that I have written about in this blog and even I botch things up with my own thoughts, feelings and attitudes that are wrong... some of which I even openly expressed to you right here. You'd think having experienced these things that I would know better, but I am human just like the rest of you and I make mistakes. Even though I try not to... I sometimes still pass judgement on others.
If you take nothing else away from this blog post, I hope that you come away from it with more of an awareness and more in tune with your thoughts, judgments and actions as they apply to fat people you have in your life or that you come in contact with as YOU maneuver through this world.
