So, on week 9 I decided to tackle #12: Sit in a chair instead of being on the comfy sofa for 1 week of therapy.
So... on week 9 as I have been slowly chipping away at my list of items that cause me to be anywhere from merely uncomfortable to actually being mortified. In any case, I am getting uncomfortable so that I can grow as a person and live life more than I have been in years of recent.
I decided to do something this week that to most you might not even think about, but for me it's a matter of breaking a habit and choosing to be uncomfortable whether on a scale of 1-10 it's a 4 or a 14, it still requires effort on my part. This week was difficult because my therapist had been out of town and I hadn't seen her for 3 weeks so when I headed into therapy I was torn because I really, REALLY want to be comfy on the big, red sectional AND I really, REALLY want to sit close to her, which requires me sitting in the chair. Is the chair uncomfortable? No, not really, but when you compare it to the sofa, for me the sofa wins hands down.. there is just no comparison when it comes to comfort. I decided to let her make the decision and asked "So, where are we sitting?" She said she was sitting in the chair and so I decided to join her there. I, of course, would have much rathered that we were slightly more relaxed on the sofa, but as it turned out this ended up being quite beneficial.
I had some difficult things to express. We are very good at keeping eye contact during session and being closer helped me to do that. Being further away on the sofa has its advantages of comfort, but when discussing things that can be uncomfortable or difficult to express I tend to trail off looking elsewhere, or staring off into wherever thru the ceiling; having A.D.D. doesn't help either. So, I was closer which helped to maintain eye contact and relay the things on my mind that I needed to discuss. I was glad that I sat in the chair for those reasons and think that I just might do it more often.
Now, I mentioned a BONUS to this weeks blog as it pertains to being uncomfortable. I wrote a parody about a week and half ago and it has to do w/ life issues when you're overweight. I have sung for my therapist before and it has always been nerve-wracking and w/ my nervous, warbly voice I have made mediocre attempts at sharing songs that I have written. I have always been able to rely on a crutch to get through those moments by usually having the song in hand on paper so that I can look at it and avoid looking at my therapist. For me, singing to small groups or one on one are the most nerve wracking moments. I am much more comfortable in the midst of hundreds, even thousands than I am one on one or small groups. Well, I had memorized my parody so, no crutch. No paper to look at, no avoiding eye contact unless I close my eyes or look around the room.. but how obvious is that? So, when it came time to share my parody I told my therapist that since I was already uncomfortable I might as well just take it all the way and be as uncomfortable as possible so, not only was I going to sing to her one on one, acapela, but also since I had it memorized I was going to give her compete eye contact throughout the whole song.................AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! What was I thinking??????
So, after a couple of deep breaths, I exhaled and began the song. I looked into her gorgeous, green eyes and went for it. As I began I noticed how awkward and uncomfortable it was to sing and stare into the eyes of just one person, but I was determined NOT to back down and not to give into the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach.
As it turned out and I proceeded thru the rest of the song the empty knot in the pit of my stomach slowly dissipated and what was very uncomfortable ended up being very warm and welcoming and supportive and sweet. When I finished I wondered what I had been so afraid of all this time. I wondered how much more at ease I might have been if I had given this a try so much sooner. I realized when it was all over, that for the first time my voice wasn't nervous and warbly. I was calm and my vocals were strong and I felt like I was in a very special space where I felt supported, encouraged and most of all, comfortable..a feeling I NEVER thought I would feel in this situation. I was whisked away for a minute and I was in a really neat space that I intend to return to in the future.
It just goes to show that the things that we see as scary or uncomfortable may just end up being the total opposite and instead of being something we avoid they end up being something that we choose willingly and are pleasantly surprised at the outcome.
I just want to challenge you today to find something no matter how small or simple it may be and decide that when faced w/ it again you are going to change your approach and see what happens. I can't guarantee the same success that I have had, but I can guarantee that you will never know until you throw comfort to the wind and try.
So, @ the end of the 9th week of Motivational Mondays I am proud to say I have achieved my goal and can cross it off the list.
Just 44 more to go... Here's what's left:
1. Do not sit in the back row at church.
2. Do not sit alone in the back row at church.
3. Introduce myself to someone at church I don't know.
7. Do not eat in bed for one week.
8. Go one day without getting on the internet.
9. Post NO STATUS UPDATES on Fb for a week.
11. Use of the computer is restricted to the dining room downstairs for one week or if I move.. anywhere in the house except the bedroom.
13. Spend one evening watching TV downstairs.
14. Spend one week watching TV downstairs.
16. Eat lunch at work in front of my peers.
17. Go out to eat with someone (non family) and not ask to be hidden away in a booth somewhere.
18. Go w/o nail polish, even clear, for one week.
20. Do not stay in bed past 9 a.m. on a Saturday.
21. Hug a stranger.
22. Invite someone over to my place and cook them dinner.
23. Make a dessert from scratch to share at work.
25. Go one week eating nothing purchased pre-prepared.
26. Try a new seafood.
27. Cook a meal for Mom and Mike.
28. Iron clothes for an hour straight
29. No FB for a week.
30. Go one week w/o eating leftovers
31. Wear something leg revealing
33. Write left handed for a day
34. Give $20 to a stranger
35. Pay for the persons order behind me at the drive thru
36. Bless someone I know with at least $100
37. Cook dinner for my pastor and his wife
38. Go one day w/o using the microwave
39. Go 1 week w/o using the microwave
40. Wear my rings on opposite fingers
41. Get another piercing
42. Get another tattoo or get mine fixed
43. Dress up on dress down Friday
44. Use no emoticons for one week
45. Use no abbreviations or special characters when I journal for a day
46. No abbreviations or special characters when journaling for a week.
47. No use of color for one week
48. Have lunch in the cafeteria at work for 1 week
49. Take a local unfamiliar road and see where it leads
50. Have lunch with a co-worker
51. Consume 20 grams of protein everyday for a week
52. Eat fruit everyday for a week
Alright, later gators! And remember to get up off your duffs!
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