I started counseling w/ my high school guidance counselor in the middle of my sophomore year. The year prior I had lost a VERY significant person in my life and felt like I had no one to talk to about it, so it all was jammed up inside and I needed to get it out and so she was the one. I spent a LOT of time in her office. Sometimes I would get off the Vo-Tech bus, around lunch is when I was returned to school, and go straight to her office and not see the inside of a classroom for the rest of the day. I still don't know how I passed my sophomore year or how she got ANY work accomplished as she poured so much time into me.
I continued to counsel with her all the way thru graduation and established a very good rapport. A rapport that would go on to be a friendship that I still cherish almost 30 years later.
When I went away to school I only "counseled" as was required by the program and as I needed when various things popped up in my life. I was quite fond of my counselor and we continue to be in contact to this day.
I graduated Empire as a cosmetologist 2 years out of high school in 1990. The next time I would see the inside of a counselors office would be 1994 when I entered a homeless shelter and as part of the requirements to stay there I had to be in counseling regularly. I met with this counselor for a few years who was very good for me. I learned a lot and uncovered a lot of stuff I didn't even know I was carrying.
Every time that I was in counseling I grew as a person, learned new things about myself, became a better "me" than the "me" who had entered counseling. Every counselor or therapist brought something new to the table.
It w/b 10 years before I would step into a therapists office again...this time by choice and for regular weekly appointments. As I "interviewed" therapists to find a good fit for me I always looked for and asked them if they were capable of kicking my ass should I need it. The 1st therapist was a young gal who I don't recall really learning anything from, but whom I loved going to shoot the shit w/ for an hour every week. I would end up losing coverage and therefore losing my ability to see her and so I went w/o therapy for about a year. When I returned, her schedule was full and she could not take on any new clients which forced me to find another therapist and start all over.
My next therapist w/b a very matter-of-fact, blunt, honest ass-kicker, all the qualities I thought I needed in a good therapist for myself, however, it became clear very quickly that her schedule was too full as well. Seeing a therapist once every 4-6 weeks is fine for maintenance, but not when you are in the throws of things. I finally discussed the issue w/ her and she recommended another therapist she thought w/b a good fit.
Stroll back to March of 2012. Many of you are familiar w/ me speaking very openly about my new therapist, Kate. Somehow, I felt that she was this "magical" being who could read my soul off to me after having just met me. Was that true? It would appear that way, but sitting back taking an objective point of view to the situation I can see now how she merely was trained very well to "know so much about me" after only just 1 hour. People go to therapy for a plethora of reasons so when she "guessed" why I was there and what I needed to accomplish I was in awe.
I would spend the next year working really hard in therapy. Kate, like her predecessor, took a very clinical approach to my therapy. For those of you who are unsure of what that means...here's what it means TO ME...right or wrong it's my point of view. A clinical approach to therapy is one where the therapist really has no involvement or personal investment in the client other than that 50 minutes on the dot, once a week. They do not hug, they will not comfort you when you are a blathering barrel of tears and above all they will not share anything personal w/ you...not even really emotions. I wanted Kate to soothe me when I was upset, hug me before I left and let me know a little bit about her. Did she understand what I had been thru because she too had experienced it? Was she creative like me? Oodles of questions ...
March 2013 Kate broke the news to me that she was leaving and would no longer be my therapist. 2 weeks from that day was our last session. I was a wreck! How was I ever going to find someone who I thought "got me" as well as Kate? How was I ever going to duplicate, what I thought was a wonderful rapport? I was in the throws of therapy and just STOPPING was not an option that was viable at the time. It was just 6 months prior that I had been inpatient at the local loony bin and there was WAY too much work to do to simply come to a screeching HALT. So, I set out to find another therapist. I searched the web and found a site named "Psychology Today" and there were "profiles" and photos of local therapists that I could search thru. After a few weeks of searches and setting up "interview" appointments, I began the interviewing process. There was REALLY ONLY ONE person on the list that I WANTED to be my therapist, but I felt it was unwise to look at a photo, read a small bio and decide "ok she's the one for me". So, I foolishly spent time and money on copays to interview w/ these other psychologists with whom I was not even remotely interested in sharing the gritty details of my life with.
May 2, 2013... last interview...1st choice #intuition #followyourgut #iknewthatiknewthatiknew
This day last year I was meeting w/ not just a psychologist, but a DR! I wondered what the difference was as it applied to my therapy. The interview went swell and I made up my mind, which was right all along, and decided that I would settle with the Doc. There was, however, a problem and that was that she was unsure if she would continue to to work with insurance and for me that was the only way that I could see her. I mean, there was no way I could shell out $120-$150 a week, file for reimbursement form insurance and wait for the checks to come rolling in w/o it causing a severe detriment to my finances. When I left, I told the Doc that I was done interviewing and that I had chosen her. I went home and called my dear friend Anni and we prayed together about the situation at hand.. would the Doc continue to accept insurance? AS WE WERE PRAYING I received an email. When we finished praying I opened it and low and behold it was from Doc and she said that she was going to accept my insurance!! WOW!! Talk about an answer to prayer AS you are praying!!!
That was a year ago and as I reminisced with her this past Friday on the 1 year anniversary date of our relationship as Dr and therapist, working together for a healthier me, I realized what REALLY works and doesn't work for me. She and I had this discussion a few months ago and I realized that unlike my other therapists she wasn't an ass-kicker and I hadn't asked her to be one. W/ that came the realization that I did not need to have my ass kicked in order for me to be successful in therapy. She's quite smooth in her approach...often accomplishing what's needed before I ever have any idea what has transpired...she's clever and witty and personable... yep.. I said personable. She has genuine emotions that she expresses and she's a hugger. She is NOT strictly clinical under my definition and therefore I believe I have accomplished MORE in the last year than in ALL of my years of therapy combined. I am more aware, I have accomplished more hurdles, I have trusted above and beyond what I thought possible and I am NOT the same person I was a year ago. I am better. God has used her to bring healing to many areas of my life in the last year. There is no doubt in my mind that God brought us together and that it is He, thru her, that has brought about so much inner healing.
I think that even when I am "done" w/ therapy that I will still be in therapy, just on a smaller scale. I believe that having that objective point of view from and "outsider" is essential and that under the right circumstances and w/ the right person, therapy can only make you a better you if you aren't afraid to face your fears and place your trust in another flawed, but non-judgmental human who is on your side and there to help you on your journey.
Thanks Doc! Here's to another year of healing and revelation.
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