Taking things for granted...

So many things we never stop to think about until they are in jeopardy.  We are all guilty...we're human.  It isn't intentional...it's just life.

Recently I encountered just this.

One day...my breathing just suddenly was wrecked.  Suddenly I was fighting for every breath...shallow, hurried, laborious breathing overcame my body and what's worse is I didn't know why.

Suddenly my rescue inhaler wasn't working 2, 4 or 6 puffs at a time...no relief.

Suddenly every move I made sent my lungs gasping for oxygen and my chest felt heavy and my throat felt as tho it was closing.  I wish I could say it was something I did, but I believe divine intervention is the only thing that kept me from having a complete panic attack on multiple occasions as I fought to do something as simple as breathe.

For days I fought to breathe.  I nearly emptied a new inhaler in less than a week, was using the nebulizer every 4 hours, blowing up on Prednisone and slurping down Mucinex all in an effort to try and return my breathing to something more normal and less laborious.

Finally, on the 10th day relief shows it face and I realize the moment I rise from my bed and begin to move that today is different...today I am not out of the woods, but I am breathing better than I have in over a week.

I have never really thought about my breathing until it was in jeopardy.  I never considered how my life would change if this ONE process wasn't performing optimally.  I never gave a thought to be thankful just to be able to breathe.

Today, I am grateful that I am breathing better, and it makes me think of all the work our bodies do seemingly on autopilot that we never consider.

I am more thankful than ever for every breath moving forward.

Lesson learned.

 

Do you Boo---Keepin' it Real

Do you have that ONE person that thinks the WORST of you no matter how many changes for the better you make?  It doesn't matter how much time, money, energy, blood, sweat, tears you spend working hard via therapy, church, clean living and so on investing into yourself to better yourself and become a better human for yourself and for others there might just be that one person who:

* no matter what will still think the worst of you

* no matter what they STILL bring up your past transgressions, be they true or false, even if others have committed far worse YOUR transgressions ALWAYS outweigh anyone else's

* no matter what you are the big, bad wolf-the bully-the enemy------the person who is the cause of ALL their problems and all the problems in their family--YES--you HAVE THAT MUCH POWER.  You are the dark cloud they are convinced their lives are perfect without.

* the whole world could deem you a Saint, you could save their lives, save their kids lives and YET, you would STILL be dark and not light, wrong and not right.

I am here to tell you...it will never change.

They will never change.

If you want to love them, if you feel the need to do so, you must do so from a distance no matter how "hard" it may be.  

But think about it.  How hard could it really be if they treat you like shit and have shown you repeatedly that they really do not like you at all?  Yes, that's a tough pill to swallow.  

Oh, but it's a "family" member...gurl, please.... get yourself a tribe.  "Family," "blood" does not mean shit!  They will do you like they will do a stranger in a minute.  Call you a motherfucker and cut you like a fine fillet.  Do not keep hanging on to people who CLEARLY have shown you they care NOT A BIT about you, not ONE iota, NOT A DAMN.

MOVE THE FUCK ON AND DO NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOU

clearly they can and HAVE done the same.

*OUCH* did that hurt?  Then it is true sister/brother...so while they're NOT giving a fuck about you, NOT loving you, NOT supporting you, NOT caring about you---DO THE FUCKIN' same!

If you've moved on and let go of the past and THEY can't-GUESS WHO'S GOT THE PROBLEM?

NOT YOU MY FRIEND

Step into the light and away from those shadowy no-goods that mean you nothing but harm.

Keep moving through.  Moving forward.  Doing great things, making YOU better, kinder, more spiritual, more loving, more forgiving, more creative, more passionate, more of whatever you want to become that is positive and amazing and continue to cast off and shed the things of the past that have held you down and kept you a slave---including people---including "family."

Keep doing you, Boo!

Pandemic-A Great Time to Better Oneself

For me...

What better time than NOW?  I have been saying to myself for months that I s/b ready, that there is NO reason for me NOT to be ready and questioning why I was putting off getting rid of this weight that has plagued my my whole life.  What was I waiting for...seriously?

Now, I know.  

I did not want another FAD, another PILL💊, another Surgery or QUICK FIX that would end either with me wasting my money💸 and not following thru due to lack of motivation for whatever reason or losing and gaining it all back (and probably then some)...once again FAILING...and not just failing, but failing in front of all of social media...ugh!😝

I knew that I wanted to get to the root issues.  To treat my insides, my head.  I knew most of my life that this weight was not going to resolve itself for good until I resolved the inner issues that have made it a lifetime struggle to begin with.

I reconnected with a gal I thought of as a friend that I previously worked with in another state in the early fall.  That's when I knew why I had waited.  She told me about being a health coach and what she had done to lose 50 lbs.

I was kind of shocked...50 lbs.!?  She was always this petite, bouncy blonde that never seemed to have an issue with weight...FIFTY POUNDS!!

I spoke with her and she told me of her struggle, what happened and how she got rid of it for good and got healthy.  I decided to check it out online and after a lot of him-hawing about the price...I decided...

LOOK--👀

I have never invested this kind of money in clothes👚, shoes👟, handbags👛, designer ANYTHING... NOTHING for myself...I can do this...it gets to the root of the issues, works on your mind, gives you a health coach on and on and I'm doing this for me; it's time!

Not only have I been bettering myself by following this new lifestyle, by eating healthier and moving more, but whilst at home during Pandemic 2020 I have had quite an attitude adjustment that has just naturally taken place.  (I think it helps when you're correctly diagnosed* and you understand yourself better and then others can as well)

I am a much happier😀, better, more content😎 person than I have ever been and I continue to grow my tribe and better myself.

It has been 1 month and 2 days and I am over 13 lbs. down and over 14 inches off my waist alone, going from a size 24-26 pant, sometimes 28 to a size 20.

Come join me on your own journey...  

I still have a ways to go so why not join me for the ride?

When has one "arrived?"

So, I was pondering this question, in the wee hours of the morning, around the 4 o’clock hour, as I was placing homemade ham broth into containers for freezing - when do you know if you have “arrived?” It only introduced more questions that needed answers. So I decided inquiring minds such as mine might also be delving into the corners of their minds, swirling these odd thoughts, interested in the answer and decided that I would propose this question to the Universe (or whomever happens to stumble upon VOCAL and decides to take a gander at my writing.)

So, HOW DO you know when you have “arrived?” Do we ever “arrive?” Is the state of “arriving” different for each person? I believe it is most definitely the latter being that we each have our own unique trademarks, styles, dialects, accents, yada, yada, yada all-encompassing what separates each of us from everyone else.

I mean, ponder these questions for a moment. Have you “arrived” when you finally get THAT perfect job or achieve that certain yearly wage that catapults you into the "class" you deem makes you a success? Or have you “arrived” when you make a certain person proud of you or is it when you make yourself proud for meeting or exceeding one or a set group of goals? Have you “arrived” when you have achieved marital bliss and that perfect number of fat, rosy-cheeked, cherub looking children, in the perfect white-picket fence or modern deco home that you have always dreamed of? Have you “arrived” when you have traveled extensively or have you “arrived” if you are agoraphobic and just stepped outside for the first time in many years?

Have you “arrived” when you have achieved the “perfect weight” or have you “arrived” when you finally quit the negative self-talk about everything you salivate over and put in your mouth and the non-stop, self-loathing that you have been doing for years? Have you “arrived” when you walk into church and kneel at the alter like "a good Christian" or have you “arrived” when you walk away from a fellowship for good and various reasons to maintain your own mental and emotional stability?

Have you “arrived” when your family that has not spoken to you in many months lets you come for a short visit, but a visit nonetheless, or have you “arrived” when you remain separated from them until those that caused pain are ready to have a mending and lasting conversation? Have you arrived when your friends, family and coworkers adore you or have you "arrived" when you finally shed the mask, stop the masquerade and become your true self even if it means isolating yourself from them all? Or finally, must you wait until the whole world knows you as a household name to know that you have INDEED “ARRIVED?”

I think we being the homosapiens that we are, always striving, we will never fully “arrive" unless to "arrive" means that you have died. In which case, when we die, having then finally "arrived" what will we have arrived at though? Or what will we have achieved in that moment when we take our last breath in a gasp, gargle, scream or just passing silently amidst our slumber? That inquiring minds is for another discussion.

All we can avail ourselves to do is proceed forward, putting one foot in front of the other, striving to bestow upon each day our finest- even Monday’s *gag*! and do our best with whatever we have no matter how great or small. Perhaps then we will arrive at moments in our lives, that will catch our eyes, that will encourage and uplift us, and feed our souls as we continue pressing on.

Quarantining-Making Good Use of My Time-A Rhyme

So, whilst I've been quarantining and had much time to spare
like many people I did my cleaning
cut & colored my hair
and like so many others
who wanted to take up something new
I made a list
of some of those things
and here's what
I decided to do:

I gained some new artsy skills
and am making spirals with my mouse
I purchased land in Scotland
and become ordained
all from my house
I'm working now from home
something I thought I'd never do
photo editing skills are growing
but hopefully not my waist too.

Amazon & USPS
are my only visitors these days
the good news is
my credit score
has been tremendously raised.

So, while quarantining does not
agree with everyone
it's good for me
take care you all
and TRY to have some FUN!

Copyright AGK By Permission ONLY!

Online Dating...

So, here we are quarantined. 
     I am teleworking aka working from home.
          I decide why not try to find a mate amidst a pandemic.
               Who does that?
                     ME

I already had a profile on Facebook dating set up I just now had to aggressively pursue using it and actually TRYING to find someone and hope not to get catfished YET AGAIN.  Last time really did a number on me and I am REALLY hoping not to drag that baggage into a new relationship.  While I really love my ME TIME, I long to have someone to love and cuddle with and hold and call "mine" and share soft kisses and walks under the stars even if technically we should be doing ALL these things with a mask on.

I checked my "likes" and there was an adorable older woman...I will not get into the particulars as that quickly fizzeled out in conversation, probably because even though I am quite shy I was probably too forward and pushed her away and one day *POOF* the conversation was gone...she was gone.  I was a little sad cuz she was really cute, but onward I went.  Tweaked my profile yet again and waited.

Faithfully I checked for new messages and it wasn't but a few days later on I believe Cher's birthday (not 100% sure as the convo has been removed) that I was matched with Carmen.  

I had hit the heart when I saw her photo even though she really didn't have much info other than I believe her height and that she was dating---I'll just say locally.  That was a nice change of pace.  She wasn't my norm, meaning that she was beautiful, but not the super femme's that I usually try to snag, or blonde,  and I thought perhaps that was the mistake I had been making all along so stop making that mistake.  You know the definition of insanity...making the same mistake over and over and expecting the same results?  So, stop making myself insane, stop making the same mistake.

We chatted a few days on Fb, and very quickly I offered my digits stating when she was ready, no rush, she could use them.  Her response was to offer hers back.  I immediately text her and that evening when she got home from work we shared our first phone call.  

It was over TWO HOURS LONG!!!  Ha ha!  There was a lot of crazy information exchanged the kind that you just CAN'T MAKE UP!  We have text everyday this week.  The next call was over two hours again and the one after that was OVER FOUR HOURS.  We are NOT looking to rush anything but be friends first and build on that if it should so happen that way.  We want a strong foundation if this is going to work right.  

We are looking to make plans to meet this weekend.  I'm excited and apprehensive.  Online dating, in the past, has not been kind to me.  However, I will put a brave face on and march forward.

Join me on this crazy journey inquiring minds...

Till my next adventure~

Lady A

Me & My Many Moods

One of my favorite filters.  I think it's the contrast it brings and for some reason I like the way I look and that NEVER happens.  So I find myself taking a lot of pics like some self indulgent millennial... ICK!  

I think I want to try them on canvas as prints and see if they fare well and if so...do something artsy w/ them.  

Anything I think makes me look good, bares repetition.

Hang in there quaratiners!

Lady A